i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
