Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
