Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Watching her eat just hurts me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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