Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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