I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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