I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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