Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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