Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
