She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
