can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
