so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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