Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
