I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
