U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
