We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
