She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
