Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
