I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
