I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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