Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
