Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
