Will you blow on my dice?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
