gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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