Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
