She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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