she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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