I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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