I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
