My underwear smells like fireworks.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
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sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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