Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
