i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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