It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
