u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
