Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
