apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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