I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't turn off my feet"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
