people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
