I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
