new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
