Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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