Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
