it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
