FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So squirting runs in the family.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
