the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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