her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
