my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is my life. Enjoy the view
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
