I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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