I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
