I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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