so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
