So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
