ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
