at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
