There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
