pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
