nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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