Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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